Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
