I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
