My nipple is on Facebook.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
