Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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