Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
