So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize