fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
