just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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