are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
