at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
