there was a trapeze. enough said
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
