My hand turned me down
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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