My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
