remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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