I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
