he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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