YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The air was thick with penises
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
