we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
