Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize