I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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