she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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