I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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