I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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