you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
