Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize