I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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