I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
