Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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