i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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