We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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