yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
