Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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