very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
