This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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