I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
