I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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