so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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