I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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