Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
