We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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