Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
