He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize