so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize