ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jerry, you need to find god
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
