I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize