epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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