Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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