so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
