Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
