He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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