I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
