Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
