i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
