operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
