Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
