The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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