im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
