I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
