): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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