he wants to bone in the snuggie
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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