Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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