Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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