they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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