I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
