Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
