Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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