There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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