i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
