I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
