Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
