He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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