i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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