i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
