Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
from now on my penis is your penis
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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