and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
