Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if only i could text you this smell
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize