my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
People in love make me want to vomit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
