I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
