You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
