the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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