Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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