she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
